Message for major Tom.

Terra-Kotta · Post by **Terra-Kotta** » Wed Apr 03, 2013 3:07 pm

I was just wondering (as you're prob best to talk to) if you have any experiences of going the the old clinic to be checked out... Down there. Ya know.

Post by **Beakster** » Wed Apr 03, 2013 3:22 pm

Pardon my noseyness

I've been a few times, find your local one here: http://www.nhs.uk/Service-Search/Sexual ... Search/734

Usually it's a good idea to get there 30 mins before they open if you want to be seen quickly as it's always been really busy everywhere I've been.

Don't pee the morning before you go because they need your first slash of the day to check for the clap. That's the easy bit though, the blood test and probe down your japseye isn't very pleasant but it's not really anything to worry about, certainly preferable to going mad from syphilis like Henry the 8th

Terra-Kotta · Post by **Terra-Kotta** » Wed Apr 03, 2013 3:27 pm

A camera down my cock?!?!?!

Fck sakes. You're kidding me right?
But thanks for input mate. Any advice welcome. I've been pretty busy the last few months.
I was really only enquiring really as I seem to have the beginnings of something along the lines of a relationship on my hands. A girlfriend (an actual real live one), all though she's knocking on a bit and she wants me pre MOTd and all up to scratch.

Post by **Beakster** » Wed Apr 03, 2013 4:02 pm

Terra-Kotta wrote:A camera down my cock?!?!?! Fck sakes. You're kidding me right?

Not a camera, it's like a small cotton bud. They use it to check for pus cells that can show the presence of gonorrhoea and other forms of urethritis. It's not nice but it's not that bad.

Well worth doing, especially if you're just starting a new relationship. Some things they can find there and then, and other they let you know within 2 weeks once they get results from lab. Usually they take your number and say that if you don't hear from them in 2 weeks then everything is fine.

Major_Tom · Post by **Major_Tom** » Wed Apr 03, 2013 4:05 pm

I've never been mate, not my problem, I leave all that to the girls.

Ha, not really. Imagine if I was really like that.

Yeah as Chris says, get down there or get lucky on the phone for an early appt. Didn't we talk about this last year?

Hang on... she's going too right?

We have some varied discussion on this board don't we.

Ha, "don't we".. good advice for the appointment mate.

TROLL · Post by **TROLL** » Wed Apr 03, 2013 4:09 pm

You should always rubber up as you don't know where they've been !

Terra-Kotta · Post by **Terra-Kotta** » Wed Apr 03, 2013 4:13 pm

She is going Tom but not with me. I'm choosing an "out of town" clinic. I have visions of walking in seeing far too many of my exes.

Also my hairdresser wants me to go but really she should be checked out to.
And the girl who works in Starbucks defo!!!!

Terra-Kotta · Post by **Terra-Kotta** » Wed Apr 03, 2013 4:14 pm

TROLL wrote:You should always rubber up as you don't know where they've been !

They don't fkn fit. And never unroll.

Major_Tom · Post by **Major_Tom** » Wed Apr 03, 2013 4:17 pm

Ha, that reminds me, a neighbour of mine gave me some johnnies she didn't want / need... and fuck me did I find out why.. they were the small Indian ones .. but I was really horny and.. you know when you're in that state, you just want to make it work. God I was in agony, the regular ones aren't even wide enough.

And yes, you're right, they never unroll properly.

I've been told to try Trojan's (love that name) as they have a bit more girth.. not tried em though.

Terra-Kotta · Post by **Terra-Kotta** » Wed Apr 03, 2013 4:18 pm

Beakster wrote:
Terra-Kotta wrote:A camera down my cock?!?!?! Fck sakes. You're kidding me right?
Not a camera, it's like a small cotton bud. They use it to check for pus cells that can show the presence of gonorrhoea and other forms of urethritis. It's not nice but it's not that bad.

Well worth doing, especially if you're just starting a new relationship. Some things they can find there and then, and other they let you know within 2 weeks once they get results from lab. Usually they take your number and say that if you don't hear from them in 2 weeks then everything is fine.

How far do they shove it down? I'm seriously not sold on this idea now.

Major_Tom · Post by **Major_Tom** » Wed Apr 03, 2013 4:19 pm

Just a few mill mate. Better than spreading disease around though so get it done.. it aint that bad

Terra-Kotta · Post by **Terra-Kotta** » Wed Apr 03, 2013 4:21 pm

Major_Tom wrote:
I've been told to try Trojan's (love that name) as they have a bit more girth.. not tried em though.

As in the Trojan VIRUS. FFS.

Terra-Kotta · Post by **Terra-Kotta** » Wed Apr 03, 2013 4:22 pm

Major_Tom wrote:Just a few mill mate. Better than spreading disease around though so get it done.. it aint that bad

Ok cool. This ones insisting I'm MOTd before I give her a service.

Major_Tom · Post by **Major_Tom** » Wed Apr 03, 2013 4:23 pm

Terra-Kotta wrote:
Major_Tom wrote:Just a few mill mate. Better than spreading disease around though so get it done.. it aint that bad
Ok cool. This ones insisting I'm MOTd before I give her a service.

Well insist back. Go together.

Terra-Kotta · Post by **Terra-Kotta** » Wed Apr 03, 2013 4:24 pm

Major_Tom wrote:
Terra-Kotta wrote:
Major_Tom wrote:Just a few mill mate. Better than spreading disease around though so get it done.. it aint that bad
Ok cool. This ones insisting I'm MOTd before I give her a service.
Well insist back. Go together.

No way. Itl look like I'm going with my mum!

Major_Tom · Post by **Major_Tom** » Wed Apr 03, 2013 4:26 pm

You trust her then? What if she has something and doens' know about it?

Terra-Kotta · Post by **Terra-Kotta** » Wed Apr 03, 2013 4:33 pm

She's allready booked hers. It's me that's disorganised.

Post by **rich_jc** » Thu Apr 04, 2013 6:16 am

Terra-Kotta wrote:She's allready booked hers. It's me that's disorganised.

Who said romance was dead?

Rich

Post by **damajin** » Thu Apr 04, 2013 9:11 am

Terra-Kotta wrote:
TROLL wrote:You should always rubber up as you don't know where they've been !
They don't fkn fit. And never unroll.

Try http://www.mysize-condoms.com/ you can get them from amazon and various other places and they come in a bunch of different sizes with a guide as to what size you need. I hated using jonny's before I had these, seriously can't recommend enough.

jerome-v6 · Post by **jerome-v6** » Thu Apr 04, 2013 9:28 am

I remember the last great love of my life 7 years ago said i didnt need protection, i thought great! and it was but a few months later but we were both down the clinic with herpes, she was still having a thing with her ex it turned out...
So I've had an aching feeling in my balls since december, I saw the doc the other day and she told me to go to the clinic, Yes get there early as there quite poplular and the girls there are cute and you know there go-ers so as long as you bag up maybe try and hit on one of them? but anyway yes bloods, urine and a swab which isnt nice, nothing should go down your japs eye! but its clear so i guess im having an ultra sound next, but sods law I never caught anything when I had unprotected anal sex with that nothern girl!

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